Taking a pause

This is what feels right for me at this moment. When I truly listen and connect so deeply to myself it tells me everything I need to know and for now that means really feeling into all that I am. Being really present with the courses I am studying and allowing myself the space for everything I am going through and growing through. For now, it means having a break from the socials and really allowing myself to fully ascend.

I spent a lot of time in my masculine energy and not being aligned. The constant grind, the chasing, the fighting, living in survival mode and it absolutely exhausted me. As I started to really sit with myself and reflect on what has happened this last year I truly have done a full circle. By finding the keys to unlock deeply within, hand on my heart, it has honestly been the most beautiful, expansive journey to myself. I have learnt to fully trust in myself, to truly let go and surrender and when I did that's truly when magick started to happen. I am getting more and more into my flow and wow it's just so beautiful. Like seriously beautiful.

I am becoming who I always dreamt of being, my true self.

And I really don't think it can get much better than that. This isn't to gloat, this isn't ego, this is me just being so pure and honest with where I am at and to show you that you too can feel this. By learning to come back to self and be who you truly are at your core. I honestly can’t wait to start teaching this. I'm still navigating my way through how that's going to look but each day I can feel myself getting closer and it’s been an incredible year of studying, learning and growing as I go.

A big shift I have gone through and learnt about myself is that now I really am listening. (What my body was screaming at me to do for so long, at least I know I can put up a good fight if I need to haha - cue masculine energy) I've allowed myself to reconnect so deeply to the true essence of who I am. A full circle, a complete rebirth, right back to the womb space. I have even had to learn how to breathe properly - turns out I was doing that incorrectly, who'd thought hey?! Believe me when I say it's been some of the simplest findings that have been so profound! The energy shifts have been so unbelievably intense they have quite literally stopped me in my tracks, on so many occasions I have lost count. A consistent echoing of stopping, being, healing and realigning. Listening and learning. Each time it becomes that bit easier and to the point where I now welcome a tower moment or a shadow phase because I know it's exactly where I need to look to grow.

I love those ‘Aha’ moments.

I know that ‘busyness’ for me was a trauma response and I spent years so deeply in that energy. If I kept myself busy, I wouldn't have to face anything and I could just keep going. It didn't work for me because all I ever really wanted was myself. The one thing I was stopping myself from getting to. To hold, to talk to my inner child, to rest, to recover from all the trauma, to heal, to love and to be kind to. To truly embody and embrace all that I am. To learn to love every part of me. And to do that I had to gain courage (cue that masculine energy and that big lion roar). Courage to look at those deep, dark shadows. Turns out it's pretty cool learning about yourself and I would highly recommend it, no wonder this plays such a big part in my why for wanting to do this as my career.

Photography - Mikaela Rackham

At my true core is feminine energy through and through and the more I honour that, the more truthful I am being to myself. The more I can find my wisdom buried deep within my womb space and ‘My gosh!’ what a powerful space that is!

It's been very perceived in this world that showing feminine energy is weak, sensitive or too emotional and I know that feeling all too well. It's what pushed me more and more into my masculine. But you have to honour and embrace who you are, whether that is you carrying more of the masculine or feminine. Those parts of me in my feminine are my deepest passions, my expressions, my truest desires, why oh why should they be buried?! That's the fire in my belly, the light in my shadows, the nurturing healer and the softness in my heart and so much more. They all deserve a space and a place to be looked after.

So for me personally being able to utilize that masculine energy is essential but like with anything if it is overused it will create energetic imbalances within. So I’m talking about feeling that burnout, exhaustion and tension. Masculine energy is there for you to feel safe and to be held so you can allow yourself to go deep within that space of wisdom. To be in harmony with both energies.

And that is where I am off to. Another chance to really deep dive into me and explore some more. So tallyho!

I am sending you all so much love, healing and blessings 💛