My Sunday Musings

Another journal entry of 2026, the second one, yay... I'm celebrating that!

I'm sat here in a Shepard's hut writing this, with the sun on my face, looking at the wet grass sparkling in the sunshine, seeing the footprints on the grass, and wow it's so beautiful. My music has been playing after a slow start to the day with dancing and making a nourishing breakfast and I felt inspired to write. This deeply beloved passion of mine often gets squashed down under the responsibilities of 'adulting'

Yet I know time and time again it's such a joy, a love and a creative outlet for me that truly nourishes me and I have been told it also nourishes, helps and inspires others too, so here we are.

What spurred this share?

Multiple moments from dancing this morning, feeling free and expressing myself and my emotions, alchemising them through creative expression. Truly enjoying the woman I am, my body, my mind, my emotions, my heart and my spirit and feeling the spaciousness inside of me. Continuing to recognise how important it is to tune into your body and allow these creative outlets for our expression to move through in a healthy way. Then there was also all the media about Russell Brand and the ongoing unravelling that this has brought up for the nation. A multitude of emotions, feelings and more.

I don't know the truth about it and who knows if I ever will and I think that can be something very difficult to comprehend, accept and understand. We can all have our opinions, thoughts, senses and feelings and perhaps our own versions of truth through our lens and perspective, and yet, although it isn't our own personal experience, we still feel it and our capacity to feel is the potency and pinnacle here I believe.

I want to wish that we, myself included, were/are kinder to ourselves and each other. What it has done for me is allow me to take time and space to reflect. It's showing me what is in myself. To see my dark, to be honest with myself and see where I have done things in my past that I'm not proud of. Where I have made poor choices, that the version of me now would absolutely not do. And there has to be compassion and forgiveness for that and to outreach that compassion and forgiveness to others too.

And in response to all the Russell Brand stuff, I'm not saying I condone rape or abuse in any way shape or form. I am saying humans are suffering and in pain and are complex and make mistakes and poor decisions and that is part of learning.

I know I can say I have absolutely acted and behaved in ways that weren't kind in my past and treated myself and others in ways I wouldn't wish to be treated and I will keep diving into my depths and facing myself with all of this for the freedom it invokes and releases within me, to surrender to the eb and flow of life. I invite you to do the same. Perhaps we can take the mirror and turn it around to ourselves.

The transition from darkness to light is here for us all. Some of the most 'holy' people were not so 'holy' in their early days.

It's very easy to get consumed by media and everything is understandably full of emotions and people's own life experiences intertwined with all of this. With that said, I will also be applying this opportunity to share intimately about two of my own personal experiences, which may create self-enquiry, exploration, curiosity, perhaps deeper understanding about something for you or maybe it invokes or sparks something within you.

If something higher can come out of this, which is inevitable, my wish is that we ourselves become more aware, more conscious of ourselves and who we are, the ways in which we act and behave, the ways in which we treat ourselves and each other and our actions. That we educate ourselves and each other. Then we are seeing the beauty here, in which we can serve humanity in a healthier and more conscious way. If you can turn all your outward opinions inwards and face yourself and become more responsible with your own actions and behaviours, then there is beauty in the pain, rather than pointing and blaming externally at one another and creating more hate and separation in this world. We need more love, curiosity and understanding. The deepest human psyches are starved of this.

My wish is that you expand your human capacity to FEEL it all.

I have read a lot of people say why now,?

About the women coming out about Russell Brand, why after all this time when there is no real evidence now, etc. and I get this is a completely different story and experience when there is also fame and money and all of that involved too. Plus, I then have my own perspective/lens in which Russell has been speaking out a lot, for a while about the big pharma, the big power and control dynamics that are at the so-called 'top' that are playing out and sadly so many that have/are speaking out are also being targeted and controlled by the same very thing, power, money and control, Somehow, as painful as it is for all, there is and will be a higher purpose to it all and karma will do it what is does, for it sees beyond all the bullshit. You can't mess with the universal law of rhythm, that is a truth no one can deny. Anyways, the crumbling and the shattering of these old ways and constructs is all is very apparent in my eyes.

Let it be that the conflicts and division only bring us into greater love, union and bliss.

It's perhaps not a coincidence that this is all happening during a Scorpio new moon, all the other planetary movements and the very well known Indian tradition of Diwali, symbolising the light of consciousness illuminating the darkness within and around us. May we see this as an opportunity for that.

Now I have my own personal experience to share, which on some level is relatable in another way.

I have an experience of something similar that happened to what has been shared. This, for me, was in 2014 whilst I was travelling and straight after it happened, I told one person very close to me and I was understandably immediately told to do something about it and go to the police and I didn't.

Why?!

So many reasons at that time...

Silence. Frozen. Shock. Broken. Suffering. The Paralysing Weight of 'The Fog'. Shame. Blackouts. Vulnerability. Fractured Narratives. Guilt. Embarrassment. Internalised Blame. Cognitive Blindness. Amnesia. Dissociation. Involuntary Submission. Illusion. Humiliation. Terror. Avoiding. Violation. Self Gaslighting. The Echo Chamber of Doubt. Torturous Loops. Grieving. Questioning Everything... to name a few.

Having to actually face the very fractured reality of what actually happened, with little recollection, with alcohol thrown into the mix, concerns of something else maybe being thrown into that alcoholic mix, etc. To have to relive it or to try to force out what just wasn't there or available to access what 'truth' even was in that moment. At that time, I couldn't make sense of any of it and even now it's still very unclear. So much of it was not available to me, it was hidden and I wanted to ignore it, shove it away and do my absolute best to try and forget about it and pretend it never happened and maybe you can relate in some way or some form to this. Where you've been in a situation where you have done this too on whatever level. The reality of this experience is, it isn't clean. It's not a simple black or white. Yes or no. It's a tangled knot of complexity and layers. Which sometimes can unravel over time when it is finally safe to do so and the brain allows the repressed memory to come forward to be processed. Whilst the body stores the trapped emotions and when we have experiences, however many years later, it can re trigger previous events and we can then experience them as if they are happening in this now moment as it can flood the body with the same fear/panic etc.

It's also possible to be completely traumatised by an event and simultaneously to be with and grieve the desperate unmet needs that may have made you vulnerable to it in the first place. And this is something I feel is so worth delving into on so many levels, with someone you feel safe with and trust and who has the capacity and support to do so. It can be the ways in which you are living out day to day now, operating from these unconscious or even conscious needs. The times when you are dishonest with yourself, saying yes when you mean no, for example. The coexistence of complexities of being a beautiful human being on this earthly plane.

Another vulnerable share from me in a similar context. In the Autumnal months of 2020, I was deep in my journey of working to heal my sexual trauma and delving into a lot of womb healing. This involved a lot of self-healing work and I was also working with a shamanic healer at the time. I was also very deep into my regular meditation practice at that time too. I was spending some time in the family home I had grown up in and during a meditation, a very crystal clear emergence of a repressed experience/memory came to me that I had when I was a child that had happened to me in another home in the village. As far as I was aware, this experience/memory was not available for me to access previously. I know this is recognised as a psychological phenomenon, when a memory of childhood trauma appears or surfaces after years of no recollection. Initially, your mind protects you from the full weight of the horror until it believes you are strong enough and your mind and body finally feel safe and ready enough to process it.

I will bring this back to the beginning, to illustrate to the people with the 'why now statements' That these situations can be multifaceted and complicated. I know this is apparent for a lot of people who have experienced trauma and that the repressed experience or memory may simply not even be there to access its truth.

This is a real time of bringing root trauma to light. It is happening externally in the outside world because it's happening within us. It's happening within us and we are seeing it outside of us. As within, so without. As above, so below.

May we learn and may we grow.

Blessed Be

Take a chance on 'we'

Big Love

xxx